Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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