he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
