She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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