just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
