So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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