there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
