We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
