omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
