Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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