White coat. Heels.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Sober January is a disaster.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
