Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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