i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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