Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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