You're my little dorito
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it's like iHOP with fire
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
