What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
