I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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