I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
