Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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