i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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