My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
