I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Enjoy the penises
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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