I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We're too hungover to prance.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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