im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
