i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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