someone get that fucking seahorse.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
