why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
