You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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