Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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