I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Screwed.edu
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
