I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
