Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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