I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
