yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I love how my cats smell like pot.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Randomize
