Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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