did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
