Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
