don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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