So drunk its hurt
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
