I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
