i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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