dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Houston, we have a squirter
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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