Just took my morning after pill in the library
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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