i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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