i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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