I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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