Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
