I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
