I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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