i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
