ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
