It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
