Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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