i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
