I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
