I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
