I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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