i think my tv is drunk
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
